I realised something...

So, I was reading something on Tumblr today about this girl and she suffers with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I decided to research this and I think that I have this, in at least a mild form. This makes a lot of sense to me. 

I have always struggled with my appearance and seem to have a completely distorted opinion of myself; I always think that I am fat ugly etcetc. I pick out my flaws all the time and whenever someone compliments me I struggle to believe them in any way. There is nothing about myself that I like. This links to my OCD, Eating issues and lack of self-confidence. The definition online is:

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a condition where a person spends a lot of time worried and concerned about their appearance. A person with this disorder may:

• focus on an apparent physical defect that other people cannot see, OR
• have a mild physical defect, but the concern about it is out of proportion to the defect.

For example, a person may think that he or she has a skin blemish or an odd shaped nose. However, no-one else can see the defect, or the blemish would be considered trivial by most people. The person becomes preoccupied with the imagined defect, or slight defect. For example, he or she may spend a lot of time looking in the mirror at the apparent defect, or wear camouflaging make-up to hide the defect.

The thought of the defect is very distressing for people with BDD. In some cases the condition can have a great impact on day to day life and functioning. For example:

• Many people with BDD will avoid social situations, or even avoid going out from the home. This is because they fear that their imagined or trivial defect will get undue attention from other people.
• Some people with BDD consult a cosmetic surgeon to have the imagined or trivial defect corrected.
• Some people even become suicidal because of the distress caused by this condition.

As I said, I am no way near the extreme of it but it makes perfect sense to me. And I have been feeling really down recently and this does offer me some closure.