Wednesday 28 September 2011

Previously, in the life of me...

GENDER STEREOTYPES - NB this is an old post from an old blog, but thought I would post it here :)


I read an article in the Sunday Times Magazine about the way girls are presented and how they learn that pink is the right colour for girls. It interested me, because it is right that the media very much aims pink to girls and advertisements aimed at girls are usually referencing the fact that they are ‘princesses’. 

It made me think, I really wasn’t the stereotypical girl when I was younger. Mum never dressed me in pink, overly girly clothes because they didn’t suit me. I wasn’t one for playing with dolls. I tried, though. I would buy barbies and stuffed animals and the Animal Hospital play sets, my grandparents even bought me a proper, posh dolls house. I tried to play with them, I honestly did, but I just think I felt it was silly to play with these inanimate objects. The most I did was cut and wash the dolls hair, change their clothes and take their heads off and have a ‘fashion show’ …. I never gave them personalities and such. And I always wondered why the black Barbies had pubic hair but the white ones didn’t….not that I knew what that was, but you know. Of course, I kept buying them though. 

What I liked to do was write stories, paint/draw, read, act and bake. Those aren’t stereotypically girly. In all honesty, they are mostly gender neutral activities that both me and my brother would undertake. I much preferred creative activities, I got bored of the other things. I was very creative as a child, so much so that mum says I didn’t do that well in Year 2 SATS because I focussed on the story as opposed to the grammar or whatever! I also wasn’t one for wearing skirts, I wasn’t girly in that sense, and as soon as I was allowed I would wear trousers to school. Part of it was due to bullying for being fat and such, part of it was because I didn’t like girly things.

Anyway, back to point…it seems odd to me, like the article pointed out, that everything for girls is pink. 60 years ago, pink was a masculine colour that was associated with red! Blue was a girls colour. Not long ago, boys would wear dresses until they were 7. Things have only really changed in the past few decades, and it seems that ‘pink’ is not a natural attraction for girls, but has been forced upon them. The woman who wrote the article said that she always tried to allow her young daughter make decisions and play however she wanted. For her first few years, she played with trains and cars and loved wearing dungarees/overalls. The trigger was a boy in the playground saying “Girls don’t play with trains!” that led to this toddlers lust for all things pink, for Barbie dolls, to be dressed as a princess. People who talk to young girls call them ‘princess’ and always make everything that the girls do about princesses; “Here’s your special princess meal”…”Come and sit in the princess throne” etcetera.

Girls should be allowed to do what they want, play with what they want, dress how they like without feeling pressured to be the same as everyone else. They should be able to feel OK to be different, rather than succumb to gender stereotypes. I mean, as we get older we develop our own personalities and styles and do what we want, but there are some young girls (notably those girls who take part in Beauty Pageants etc) who don’t learn, because they are indoctrinated and forced to believe in an ‘ideal’ for girls and if they don’t act like ‘girls’ then they aren’t treated well. The example of Scout from ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ comes to mind. When I first read the book, for half the time I thought she was a boy because the focus was on her take on the events and because she dressed and acted like a boy. However, she was very much a girl but preferred to be a tomboy. She hated wearing dresses, but was at times forced to because she is a girl and had to act and dress like one. Of course, she didn’t succumb to the stereotype and remained her own person, like her father suggested. Girls like that are hard to come by these days, but they need to know that it is ok to want to play with trains, run around outside, get mucky and so on. It doesn’t make you any less of a girl, in my opinion it makes you stronger and a more rounded person!! 

Friday 23 September 2011

And the rest, they say, is history....

I am sat here, writing from my desk in my university accommodation - my home for the next year. I am listening to Colbie Caillat and feeling strangely romantic/loving and I am just in the mood to snuggle. Odd, huh?

Fresher's week, thus far, has been an all out success. Well...nearly. I am lucky enough to live with the loveliest people that one could ask for as friends/roommates etc. We all get on like a house on fire, like we have been friends for years and it just makes me so happy and glad that I have got to this stage in my life. I have eaten more food this week than I have done all summer, and whilst the concerns over my weight remain, I know that my roomies accept me as I am, in all my paranoid, unconfident, slightly bi-polar self. It's all I could ask for really. Plus I can go to the gym whenever I want, so I plan to go A LOT and get fit and feel attractive for once in my life.

I have done the whole 'getting drunk in Fresher's' thing. Last night, actually, was the worst night because I got so terribly off my face and made a complete fool of myself (some evidence below). I hope that people do not think less of me for this. I don't intend on drinking much for the rest of term, just every so often and only a little. I want to keep my wits about me!

My course seems really good, and whilst I am sad that I am not undertaking a drama aspect, I can join the drama club and all will be well. Generally, though, university is wonderful :)






Thursday 8 September 2011

Holiday Fashions

Ok, so whilst on holiday in a boiling hot country, it is hard to be completely fashion conscious. It is too hot to dress in certain ways and I would often opt for  loose fitting dress or short-shorts. However, I always tried to take care over my appearance if we were going out, and it only backfired once when I chose a gorgeous floaty, short Jack Wills dress on a windy day in Bodrum. Awkward times....

My general bikini choice was a rather beautiful yet skimpy Accessorize number from last year (below)


It cost me about £25 overall due to it being in the sale at the time, perfect. I always feel that one should make a good effort in terms of swimwear (I also had a gorgeous leopard print costume for the fat days) as it is the clothing that exposes your body to the greatest extent. A badly chosen bathing suit on holiday will, no doubt, lead to awkward moments (such as your bottoms falling down whilst entering/leaving the pool, sagging etc) that need to be avoided at all costs! The good thing about a 'string' (or tie up) bikini was that I was able to tighten the top or bottoms if and when I needed to whilst avoiding sagging. Perfect. The men seemed to enjoy my bikini too ;)

My favourite outfit, for holiday and in general, is my Topshop leopard print playsuit (below) which is loose fitting with a cute tie at the centre to emphasise the waist. I wore this on a number of occasions, especially on nights out as the shorts somewhat protected me from the advances of unwanted Turkish men! Although when you are drunk, it is a BITCH to go to the toilet haha.


Finally, thought I would show you this dress as everyone always compliments me on it and I have no idea why they all love it so much! It is a couple years old but I do enjoy wearing it, even if it is too big. It's New Look as well, which makes it even better!


I think that my summer fashion is generally practical, loose fitting, comfortable yet on-trend (mostly). I really miss Turkey, so, so much!

Saturday 20 August 2011

Whoops, I lost my mind

I realise that I have kind of neglected this blog recently. I have had SO MUCH on my plate, with exams and then various holidays - Malawi, France and then Turkey on Tuesday! I have a number of opinions about those holidays, some good, some bad...but I digress, I have decided that I am going to try and re-invent this blog; delete awkward/unwanted posts, change layout etcetc. I feel it should be properly cared for, and I will have plenty of time as I am about to begin my studies at Kent University studying English and American Literature. I am very much looking forward to it, meeting new people and immersing myself in the beautiful topic. First up: Daphne Du Maurier's 'The Birds' (the basis for Alfred Hitchcock's film of the same name). 

I got my A level results on Thursday. I achieved A*, A, B, B. I am disappointed in both the B's as I worked SO HARD for MONTHS in order to achieve my grades. However, due to the fact that 150,000 of this years applicants didn't get into university, I should count myself lucky that I got into my first choice with absolutely no problems! I was very grumpy on Thursday due to the grades, but I then got over myself and had the most lovely night out with my friends to celebrate the end of an era! I will miss everyone, but me and my friends are already figuring out how long it'll take to visit each other and because many of us are near London it's a good meeting point! AND I CAN GO TO PARIS EASIER THAN COMING HOME :D

So, that's the big change in my life. I am very excited now and look forward to the next chapter in my life.

Saturday 19 March 2011

My Red Nose Day Vlog :)


I realise this isn't great, but I am new and I am trying to find my voice :)

Wednesday 16 March 2011

The Importance of Charity

Ok, so I am going to have a SLIGHT moan about the importance of charity and the selfishness of many people I know. This Friday (18th March 2011) is Red Nose Day (Comic Relief). For those of you who do not know what RND is, it is a one night TV event where celebrities (from A list to Z list) appear in skits, one of music videos etc. The BBC Newsreaders do their infamous dances, Dr Who gives a preview of the next series and the Soaps join together, usually in a comedic sing-song. It began in 1988, following the huge famine in Africa, Ethiopia especially. It's slogan is 'Do something funny for money' and every two years it raises tens of millions of pounds that will go to those worse off than us; those in extreme poverty, with HIV etc - all in the UK and Africa. Over the years it has already made a big difference, but it is still an important part of our culture, with the majority of the country tuning in to watch. It's something that I have always been involved in, and it is especially close to my heart after visiting Africa in 2008 and witnessing first hand the conditions many people live in, and the effect that a small amount of money has on these people's lives. 

I am really looking forward to RND '11, yet I have a number of friends - or at least people I know - who not only think that I am weird for feeling this way, but also have no interest in helping out. With regards to this charity, or any charity. And I wonder how, in this day and age, with the amount of suffering that is in the world, people do not care enough to give even £1 (which buys a red nose, or may buy videos/CD's/DVD's in charity shops) to a charity. Why? Because they care more about themselves than others. And it's not just charity, it's things that DIRECTLY affect them; such as the government's cuts to the public sector which they will not fight to save; it is saving money for university/holidays/the future in general. They do this because they live in the here and now, they aren't currently effected by the cuts, and they aren't directly linked to any charity - so see no need to support or care for any of this. Instead, they fritter their money away on clothes, food, DVD's, whatever; materialistic stuff that they will use once and never again. Now, I am not saying I am perfect; but I am getting better with my money nowadays and unlike many people, I don't get government support (such as EMA) and I have a job (of which every penny I have earned has gone into a savings account) but I still splurge now and then. However, my reasoning for doing so differs from that of many people my age. The reason I may spend £40 on an item of clothing when I have money is because I know I will get good use out of it for a long time, and because I know if I don't, then I am at risk of wasting all my money on food/alcohol which I then get annoyed about. My friends keep inviting me out on nights out, and of course I would LOVE to go, but spending £15-25 a week on a night out with friends = up to £100 a month, and that is RIDICULOUS. I cannot see how people can be so uncaring and unaware - and they then complain that they don't have any money, yet I have £1,800 that I don't want to dip in to in order to go out with them. 

Luckily for me, I think I will fare quite well at university and as long as I am careful, I should have minimal debt at the end of it. Many people I know, however, will have extremely huge debts because they throw their money away like bits of rubbish. Now, I may be overexaggerating here, but you get my point. Today's youth is more concerned about themselves and feeding their needs than about others or about their future troubles (as they don't pay any attention to the news and the stories of the economic climate). I urge people to, instead of spending money on an item of clothing that you will wear once, think 'Do I love this? Will I wear it a lot?', if no, put it back. Maybe some of your money could be given to charity. £10 - which is nothing - will make a huge difference to someone's life, someone who is less fortunate than you in some way; maybe they have a disease, are in poverty etc. £10 will buy two mosquito nets for African's. That will save two people from getting Malaria, and two people from dying. If you watch RND, actually ring or text in and GIVE them money. Don't be one of those people that sits there, enjoying the entertainment but doesn't think about giving any donations. Save your money up; create a separate savings account that half your earnings each month goes in to and you'll be surprised how much you save so that you can spend it on something worthwhile (thats how I got my MacBook Pro!). Just.....care.

Wednesday 16 February 2011

Hey, I got some new shoes on and everybody's smiling...

So, I bought myself those tan brogues that I was umming and ahhing over. They are exchange only so I am a bit :/ ... I have spent the last hour trying on all my clothes trying to see if they suit, as they are so different and having fat legs (which doesn't show as much in these pictures) doesn't help matters. Do they look ok? And what else can I wear them with?






I must admit they are divine, and my outfit here is pretty awesome (will wear it tomorrow, should I choose to keep the shoes). I needed some summery shoes as I am wearing out my boots...lol. I can't wait for it to be summer so i can wear nice dresses and no tights! EEP :D hehe. But yes, I am so in love with fashion right now. I also bought myself a sleeveless, cropped denim jacket which is gorgeous and goes with EVERYTHING. I am a happy bunny...now off to do english coursework :S

Oh, and here is my new jacket....

Wednesday 9 February 2011

Brogues...

Ok, so today I went shopping with my Gran. It was quite good. I went to topshop and bought the loveliest playsuit (below)
I thought that it was gorgeous on the hanger and trying it on was just divine. It is so slimming and flattering, I just jumped at the chance to buy it. It was £50 but with my discount it was £45. I don't know if that is good or bad, but if I get wear out of it, then it is totally worth it :) <3 There is a lot of other stuff that I want, but I cannot decide what to buy!!

I was also looking at shoes and trying to decide what to get. I want some for spring that are nice and will last. At Office, I found some nice Brogues, but the colour I wanted wasn't in stock so I tried another colour in. Because they are so different to what I am used to, it is hard to decide if they are beneficial.

This is the colour I had wanted as it is a nice brown and will go with more stuff...they cost £68 but I would get my student discount off. The problem with Office is that they do not do refunds, only exchange, so I would need to be sure I wanted them. 
These are the other colour, which are equally nice but I still feel that it would be better to get the darker ones. I am not sure entirely what they will go with, as they are making a statement. So I am stressing as I need some new shoes and they are LUSH....but would I be wasting my money? Oh, I don't know...

Wednesday 26 January 2011

My life with Ana

Ok, so I have lived with Ana (anorexia) for the past 4 years and it plays a large role in my day to day life. I have decided to create a post to express my feelings towards it, to address common misconceptions, to explain my situation and anything else I think of. I am in no way promoting Eating Disorders, I am merely stating the facts and trying to give an honest account from a person who has been diagnosed with this 'disease'. Believe me, I would love to live without it.

Firstly, a bit about me and my experiences. My current STATS are:
Height: 5'7.5"/5'8"
Weight: 115 llb (8st 3)]
BMI: 17.5
Average daily intake: 1,000-1,200 calories
Exercise: Moderately active (am going to raise this once I start running more)
Ok...so it started when I was 14. I don't know how or why, but it did. It began with the Dancemat. It is a weird way to start, I know, but it did. I had lost 1 stone naturally in my first year of high school, 10 down to 9. So I was already a bit thinner. I had not realised, but my DanceMat had an 'Aerobic' option which would tell you how many calories you burned per song. I realised that if I just ran on the spot then it would burn loads of calories, even though it wasn't that accurate at all! So I kept doing it, and would get excited with the amount of calories burnt. This was the time I discovered calories, and found out all the facts. The country had just recently become very health aware, putting all those food wheels on food packets with nutritional information so it was hard to miss the calories issue. I then lost my appetite significantly. I then found out that I could run, well. My Gran asked me to come to the 'Mothers and Daughters' running group that was part of the Women's Running Network, so I said ok. I was always at the front, and had to loop back. 

I began to run by myself, a 3-4 mile route in 30-40 mins, depending on how I felt that day. I would do this a lot. Meanwhile, the amount of food I ate became less and less. I was obsessed with counting calories, and having as few as possible. I would tally the amount up and sometimes would eat 200 a day. Not even quarter of the recommended daily intake. I was obviously losing weight rapidly and within a month I had lost a stone. I know this because I read my diary from that year (as it was Jan-Feb time) and I was recording my daily weight. When I got to around 8 stone (112 llb) I wrote that I was worried. That I didn't want to lose any more weight because I thought I had lost enough. ... I was obviously aware of what I was doing. However, in that same day I would write that I felt disgusted that I had eaten a bit of chocolate, or binged a bit, so the next day I would eat less and run more.

This continued, and within 3 months I had lost 2 stone and was 6 stone 10 (94llb) so was significantly underweight. At this point I seemed to have hit my maximum and I was not losing weight anymore, instead fluctuating up and back down by a few llb. It was horrid. 

I had absolutely no concentration. I was making myself sick. I was exercising whenever I could. I was refusing food. I remember one time I cried in class, I don't know why, and my teacher GAVE ME MONEY TO BUY LUNCH. I bought quiche and ate it all and spent ages crying and feeling awful, wanting to throw up. I couldn't believe I had done that after I told myself I would eat half of it. I was going out of class to throw up. I was crying all the time. My friends left me (which is the absolute worst thing anyone can do to an anorexic...I still haven't forgiven them completely for that, because I NEEDED someone and no one was THERE, it was teachers instead.) I would break down and tell my teachers what I was feeling, that I didn't want ana but at the same time I did. I was so bad that I was told I didn't have to do my SATs test in year 9, instead have a week off. I had to lie and say I was sick. It was somewhat humiliating.

So...I was never hospitalised, but was an out-patient. I went on regular visits to the hospital and got a counsellor. She was helpful and I met her anorexic daughter. She told me about her experiences, and she was worse than me by so much. She almost died. Yet I just got ideas rather than shock tactics. 

Then one day, I suddenly seemed to have gained weight. I got uo to 8st and my period came back. To this day I don't know what caused it, but it happened. I went back up to almost 9 stone, but then back down to 8 which I stayed at for a long time. Then recently, I weighed myself. 8 st 6. 120llb. I felt sick and refused to eat. So now I am trying to lose weight. it doesn't seem to be happening but I am trying. I know the cut off point for my period so I just won't go below that. I hate looking this way. I want to be toned and beautiful and skinny, not fat like I am now. People can tell me I am not, but Ana won't listen. She says I AM fat. I don't want to fight this. I know people don't care. No one has noticed. So I shall keep going. 


Secondly, misconceptions/issues/my thoughts.

Ok, so many people think that anorexia is just girls wanting to look like celebrities. This, is false. I never wanted to look like a celebrity. The root of anorexia is often linked to a trauma. I was bullied from a young age, and still am. My dad walked out when I was 8, I blocked all memories before that age. The divorce was messy and I have never forgiven him, instead blame myself. I blame myself for my brother's disease also. I am one of the 'intelligent' girls and I put pressure on myself constantly. I have OCD, BDD and have bipolar tendencies. All other girls I know with this disease have pretty much the same story. We are all the 'intelligent' girls, who have gone through something bad and need to get control back. It's not about being skinny to start with.

Also, WE NEED OUR FRIENDS. When I was at my worst, I lost everyone. To this day I don't know why, they just became horrid and cruel and made me want to kill myself. It MADE ME WORSE. I recognise that people do not understand the disease and get scared, and I was the first girl in our year to get anorexia. So no one got it. But they told me they would bitch about me. Little did they know that I was self harming (I would scratch my arms so much they are now scarred a little), crying, throwing up, running, screaming, hurting, because I NEEDED them and I couldn't understand why they hated me. They said I had become a bitch. A) I am not aware that I ever was a bitch, B) If I gave off that impression it was Ana, not me, and this is because Ana reverts you back to a childlike state and you focus only on that, so you become selfish. It is not our fault, so if you know someone with the disease, don't alienate them. Care for them, listen to them, be there for them. Even if they push you away, let them know you will be there because they need that.

Anorexia doesn't necessarily just go away, nor does it not exist if you look healthy. Just because someone is back at a normal weight does not mean that they still don't need help, that they still have it. Because I know I suffer with it now. I am terrified of getting fat. Anorexia may be a cry for help and once a normal weight, the support needs to continue in order to reduce the risk of a relapse. IT CAN HAPPEN AGAIN.

Anorexia is a mental disease. It affects mostly girls, but quite a lot of boys too. It's like a voice in your head telling you that you're fat and no one will like you as you are ugly as well. It is not an attention seeking thing, and if it is we are not aware of this. Apparently, people are born with an anorexic tendency and something will trigger it. Don't tell them how selfish they are, or that they should 'just die' or whatever, because that doesn't help. Whatever you feel, I am sorry to say, is irrelevant. Until they have got help, do not try 'tough love' because it makes it worse. 

If there is anything I have missed, let me know. I hope this has been informative. Stay strong.

Monday 24 January 2011

I painted this...

Freedom Through the Written Word



One, it's actually in black and white, my hipstamatic made it red lol.
Two, I don't know if I like it
Three, it is for my Extended Project Presentation on Wednesday. Part of a Poster for Martin Luther King and Malcolm X as I focus on their autobiographies.

Opinions?? :)

Wednesday 19 January 2011

My favourite Vogue Covers...









This is just a small number of them but, God, aren't they stunning? I ADORE fashion and anything fashion related and these covers make me love it more. They are just so classy, so innovative, so creative. Vogue is one of those magazines that will live on forever. It. Is. Beauty.